I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
