I cannot find my penis.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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