Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he thought i was a dude.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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