remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i've created a new STD.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
