mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
