Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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