He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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