Plan B is the new Plan A
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
