so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
