Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well you can't waste a boner
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
