Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
