like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
