Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
