just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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