if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
