Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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