you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
