Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
