biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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