Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

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(765): View more from Indiana

We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose

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(678): View more from Georgia

I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(276): View more from Virginia

I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

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(845): View more from New York

She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.

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(440): View more from Ohio

They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

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(914): View more from New York

First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.

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(303): View more from Colorado

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE

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