This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple