Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.