Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits