Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
