definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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