I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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