Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Come share oat with me in your robe
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
