At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
