I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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