Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize