If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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