Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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