if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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