can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't deserve a penis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Randomize
