I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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