closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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