I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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