Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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