we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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