how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
