Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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