dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
