the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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