you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
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Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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