I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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