i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She told me I should be a condom model.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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