Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.