There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.