somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit