Betty ford says i'm here all night
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
