do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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