9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
