Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
