Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
