I CAN MOONWALK!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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