I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
