here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
