I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
