Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
