Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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