Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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