I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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