It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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