I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
