i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
