The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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