he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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