I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
