i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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