I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
