Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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