i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
