Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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