Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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