I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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