Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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