Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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