he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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