woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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