Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
only you would photoshop your dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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