You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
