he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
