i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didn't notice because vodka
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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