I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
