Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
